Manhattan Infidel

Debbie Wasserman Shultz, chairwoman of the Democratic National Committee today responded to charges that the Occupy Wall Street movement is rife with antisemitism.

These persistent charges of antisemitism are so typical of the right wing in America right now.  They will do anything to discredit the message of Occupy Wall Street.  A message that the overwhelming majority of Americans support.  Now, I don’t know exactly what that message is but I can assure you it isn’t antisemitic in any way, shape or form.  These noble young people who have given up the comforts of their parents’ houses to brave the elements are expressing their anger at, um, something.  But they are not antisemitic.  Oh sure the majority want the Zionist state of Israel destroyed but that doesn’t mean they hate Jews.  Just Zionists.  Did I mention I’m clinically insane?

Standing in front of a protester holding a sign that said “Zionist pigs control Wall Street” Wasserman Shultz told reporters that she is “deeply ashamed of the right wing in America” and blamed them for lowering the civil discourse in the country.

What we need, what our country desires most of all, are politicians who will put their country ahead of their party.  What we needs are patriots who will discuss the issues without resorting to cheap attacks on their opponents.  If only the racist, irresponsible teabaggers would listen instead of calling for the assassination of Democrats.

She then shook hands with a member of the executive committee of Occupy Wall street who was holding a sign that said, “Hitler was right!”

I know what the teabaggers are going to say.  That this sign shows that the Occupiers are antisemitic.  Nothing can be further from the truth.  This sign instead points out what they are protesting.  Whatever that is.  And America supports their message.  Whatever that may be.

Wasserman Shultz ended her foray at Zuccotti Park by posing for pictures with a group of protesters holding signs that said “Bring back the gas chamber for Zionists!”

Some of you are looking at this sign.  Again.  Not antisemitism.  But I fully expect those racist teabaggers, who are the real antisemites to use this sign shamelessly in campaign commercials for that fake negro and notorious antisemite Herman Cain.   So to sum up.  Teabaggers evil racist antisemites. Herman Cain.  Fake negro.  Occupy Wall Street.  A message of something all good Americans support.  So let’s together elevate the political discourse and not act like stupid Republicans.  Thank you.

She then unveiled the DNC’s official 2012 Presidential campaign slogan:  “Occupy Wall Street and the Democrats. Together we support something.  Free stuff I think.”

Here at the world wide headquarters opium den in the lower east side of Manhattan Infidel I have had the chance to interview many movers and shakers but mostly the voices in my head.  Today I am excited to present my exclusive interview with the Vice President of the United States, Joe Biden.

MI:  Good afternoon Mr. Vice President. It is a pleasure to have the opportunity to interview you.

Joe Biden:  Thank you.  I’m a big fan of your show.

MI:  My….my show?

Joe Biden:  Yes I watch it every night. Unless Mrs. Obama tells me to go to my room.  I don’t like her.  She’s mean.

MI:  Okay.

Joe Biden:  Where are the cameras?  I must say you look much different in person Mr Sharpton.

MI:  Um, I’m not Al Sharpton and I don’t have a TV show.  I’m the Manhattan Infidel and I have a blog.

Joe Biden:  Ouch.  Tough break.  I had a blog once.  Every time I urinated I cried.  The doctor had to remove it.  Did you know that most blogs pass easily.  But if they are larger it’s like shooting a cannonball out of your penis.

MI:  Let’s get on with the interview.  I’d like to ask you about your controversial statement -

Joe Biden:  About Pennsylvania being a haven for vampires?

MI:  No, about -

Joe Biden:  The alphabet being invented by Justin Bieber?

MI:  No, I mean your comments on -

Joe Biden:  The bottom of the Atlantic Ocean harboring a race of super intelligent gill-breathing mutant midgets?

MI:  Well, actually that’s not that controversial. Everyone knows they are down there.  No, what I want to talk about are your comments on the jobs bill and rape.

Joe Biden:  Exactly.  Pass the jobs bill or rape will continue to rise.

MI:  That’s a remarkable statement.  I don’t see the correlation.

Joe Biden:  I have personally witnessed a super intelligent gill-breathing mutant midget commit rape over his anger that the jobs bill hasn’t passed.

MI:  Why didn’t you stop him?

Joe Biden:  I’m Joe Biden.

MI:  Good point.

Joe Biden:  I meant that as Vice President I only have one Constitutional duty - to sit in my office and watch Gilligan’s Island.  It’s right there in the ninth article of the Constitution.  Mr. Obama told me so.

MI:  The Constitution only has seven articles.

Joe Biden:  Math is hard!

MI:  Let’s get back to your comments on rape.

Joe Biden:  Republicans are the party of rape!

MI:  That’s exactly what I want to talk about.

Joe Biden:  Do you have any ice cream?

MI:  Not on me.  No.

Joe Biden:  I like ice cream.  Sometimes when I eat it too fast my head hurts.

MI:  A brain freeze.

Joe Biden:  Mr. Obama told me that when that happens a woman is being raped because the jobs bill didn’t pass.

MI:  Okay.  I see this interview isn’t going anywhere.

Joe Biden:  Can I go now?  The other kids have recess now and I want to play with them.  I just wish they would stop choosing me last for their teams.

MI:  I guess you can go now.

Joe Biden:  Thanks Mr. Sharpton!   Bye.  Good luck with your blogs. I hope yours aren’t too painful.

And so ended my interview with the distinguished Vice President of the United States.  And you super intelligent gill-breathing mutant midgets better stay the hell away from me.

Part five will be the conclusion I ran out of weed of my groundbreaking look at the Democratic Church Party.  I wish to thank my sources dealers who at great risk to themselves watch out for undercover agents provided me with documents this shit is strong.

Fostering of  Socialism and Establishment of a Community of Nations

In our generation, which has been marked by the persistent and acute hardships and anxiety resulting from the ravages of war and the threat of war, the whole human and woman and transgendered race faces a moment of supreme crisis in its advance towards socialism.

Nature of Socialism

Socialism is more than the absence of capitalism.  It cannot be reduced to a maintenance of a balance of power between the evil rich capitalists and the suffering proletariat.  It is the right ordering of things and must be actualized by man thirsting after an ever more perfect reign of socialist justice.

Socialism cannot be obtained on Earth unless people freely share and redistribute their riches.

Insofar as all men are selfish the threat of capitalism hangs over them and will continue to do so until the coming of the socialist workers’ paradise through the Democratic Party.

Curbing the Savagery of War

On the question of warfare there are various international conventions, signed by many countries,  aimed at rendering military action and its consequences less inhuman.  These agreements must be honored.  Especially if they come from the United Nations, which we owe supreme obedience and loyalty towards.

All those who enter military service in loyalty to the United States should be looked upon as fools. Probably Republicans.  For the United States is the leading cause of war in the world.  It is wrong to use military force under any circumstances.  Unless, of course, a Democrat is in the White House in which case the war will have noble ends.

Establishing Socialism

If socialism is to be established the first condition is to root out the causes of discord among men or women or transgendered:  capitalism and economic injustice.

The present solidarity of mankind calls for greater concentration of economic power and policies in the Federal Government.

The establishment of an authentic socialist order can only come about by abolishing capitalism and profit, nationalistic ambitions, greed for political domination on the part of Republicans, schemes of military strategy and intrigues for spreading and imposing capitalistic ideologies.

The Democratic Party exhorts all men or women or transgendered to beware of all solutions to our current economic distress, whether uttered in public or in private, which reek of capitalism and oppose the natural principles of the Democratic Party.

Conclusion

In virtue of its mission to enlighten the United States with the message of redistribution of wealth and gather together in one spirit without opposition men and women and transgendered of every race, creed or culture The Democratic Party asks for sincere dialogue with all who oppose it. (Except for racist teabaggers.)

In this way the United States will awaken to the lively hope of socialism and they will one day be admitted to the haven of surpassing peace and a socialist workers’ paradise in their homeland radiant with the glory of redistribution.

The End

And that friends, is the end of the Pastoral constitution of the Democratic party which I have brought to you in segments over the past few weeks.  Hey, Fraggle Rock is on!  That shit is awesome!

Responding to repeated requests I like being nude in public to continue my award-winning series on the Pastoral Constitution of the Democratic Party I now present Part Four of this remarkable document.  A document, I might add, that I obtained through no small danger to myself cops do not like me being nude in public.

Fostering the Family: A duty for all

The family is, in a sense, a school for socialism.  But if it is to achieve the full flowering of the socialist workers’ paradise the adult caregivers must practice obedience to the Democratic Party.  This will help with children’s upbringing.

The active presence of the father used to be very important.  But regrettably we in the Holy and Sacred Democratic Party find many men trying to impose their authority over their children.  This is not to be tolerated.  Children are to learn their values from the state and their values will be only what the state and the Democratic Party deem sufficiently socialist.  As such, we propose that all fathers be removed from their children and that the children be reared by their mothers, who are more likely to view socialism favorably.

Some Characteristics of Economic Life Today

In the sphere of economics the welfare of multicultural society must be respected;  for the state is the focus and the end of all economic life.

Economic development must remain under the State’s control;  it is not to be left to the judgment of a few individuals in the private sector.  Only the few who work for the State have the moral authority to direct our economy.

An End to Economic Injustice

We in the Democratic Party denounce as false doctrines that which stands in the way of reforming economic injustice and inequality, especially the doctrine which stands in the way of reform on the pretext of a false notion of freedom, which is subordinate to the group collective.

An End to Economic and Social Differences

To fulfill the requirements of socialism and social justice the State, run by the Democratic Party, must put an end to privately held wealth.  That is why we in the Democratic Party support Occupy Wall Street.

End of Part Four

NYPD Officer:  There he is!  He’s naked again. 

Manhattan Infidel:  You can’t arrest me.  I am reporting! Manhattan has the Naked Cowboy, why can’t they have the Naked Blogger?

NYPD Officer:  Get out your night sticks boys.  This freak’s going down!

Manhattan Infidel:  Oww…………… Careful don’t hurt my testicles.  I’m pole dancing tonight.

Good morning. We here at the Federal Government want to congratulate all Americans on the 20th anniversary of emergency suspension of the Constitution ordered by our Dear Leader, President for Life, Barack Obama (may he be blessed forever.)

Many of you no doubt remember the perilous state of our nation when on November 1st, 2012 our Dear Leader and President for Life Barack Obama (may he be blessed forever) ordered the suspension of elections and declared emergency martial law:

• A dysfunctional legislative branch that obstructed the progressive agenda.
• The real and frightening prospect that President Obama might not win reelection.

It was for these reasons that the Constitution was suspended.

And we are all better off for it.

We’d like to take this opportunity to review the many benefits of the past 20 years of rule by our Dear Leader and President for Life Barack Obama (may he be blessed forever.)

• The racist Republican party (an obstructionist movement dedicated to stopping the progressive agenda) has been outlawed.
• Many media outlets that were in danger of bankruptcy have had a second life thanks to government funding.
• The citizens of our proud country have never been healthier thanks to government monitoring of their diets.
• The Chicago Cubs have won the last 17 World Series, thanks to a government-imposed system of redistribution of top-tier players to the Cubs.  (This is in keeping with our Dear Leader and President for Life Barack Obama’s (may he be blessed forever) policy of fairness.)

We here in the Federal government are confident that all citizens will want to wish Barack Obama  many more years of leading our country.  Indeed we marvel at how a man now in his 70s can function at the energy level of men 20 years his junior. This no doubt can be attributed to the convenience and efficiency of one-man rule.

We in the Federal government also wish to extend our condolences to President for Life Obama after the tragic death of First Lady for Life Michelle Obama who died of a heart attack after consuming an unauthorized bacon cheeseburger with fries.

May the blessings of Barack Obama be upon us all.

The Federal Government.

Note:  The Federal Government is made possible thanks to a generous grant from Apple Computers and the Chubb Group of Insurance Companies.

As promised I now continue my award-winning this South American weed is strong series on the Pastoral Constitution of the Democratic Party.

The Dignity of Significant Others

The well-being of society is closely bound up with the healthy state of conjugal life.  Hence Democrats today are overjoyed to witness the various ways in which progress is being made in expanding the definition of conjugal life.  No longer must Democrats be constrained by the bourgeois limit of so-called male-female marriage.

The intimate partnership of life and love between a man and a woman, or a man and a man, or a woman and a woman, or a man and two men or a man and two woman or a woman and two women or a man and a goat or a man and Wayne Newton is an institution confirmed by Holy Mother Democratic Party.

For the Democratic Party itself is the author of significant other legislation and for this reason dissent is not allowed.

Children (as long as they are no more than one per family) are to be cherished by the significant others (care-givers) who temporarily reside in the domicile.

With sentiments of gratitude, affection, trust and outrage over social injustice children will repay their care-givers for the healthy indoctrination into progressive values given to them in the domicile.

Significant Other Love

Love between a man and a woman, or a man and a man, or a woman and and woman, or a man and two men, or a woman and two women or a man and a goat or a man and Wayne Newton is uniquely expressed and perfected by the acts proper to significant other love (sex.)

Hence the acts of significant otherhood by which the intimate union of the spouses takes place are noble and honorable; Especially when male-male fellatio is involved or two young attractive women in their 20s make love to each other.

Authentic significant other love will be held in high esteem and healthy public opinion will be quick to recognize it (or the Democratic Party will be forced to act through the courts to obtain legalization.)

The Fruitfulness of Significant Other Love

Significant other love is by nature ordered to the procreation and indoctrination of children (but only one per family as we must fight Global Warming and children’s diapers lead to climate change.)  If possible let your children go naked without diapers for only by doing this will our wounded planet heal.

Care givers should ensure that the conscience of children is conformed to the law of the Democratic Party, in the light of the teaching authority of the Democratic Party, which is the authentic interpreter of global warming and overpopulation.

Life is good.  (As long as care-givers use contraception and limit their children to one per family.)  And life is sacred and must be protected from the very moment a person becomes eligible to vote. Hence, the death penalty is an abomination.  A prisoner executed is one less Democrat.

End of Part Three the strip clubs are opening now and I need to find singles.

Following up on a previous post I now present part two of the Pastoral Constitution of the Democratic Party.  Will there parts three or four? As a blogger I am committed to the truth beer.  I will continue to report the facts drink beer for my thousands six loyal readers.  So yes there will be parts three and four unless I run out of beer.

Social Justice

All men (and woman and transgendered) are endowed with a rational soul (except for teabaggers.)  Forms of social or cultural discrimination on the grounds of sex, race. color, social conditions or religion (except for teabagging Christianity) must be curbed and eradicated.  It is regrettable that the basic human right that all women deserve of aborting their children is under attack.

The Need to Transcend an Individualistic Morality

The Democratic Party believes that the best way to promote social justice is to contribute to the common good according to one’s means. Unless you make more than $200,000 a year in which case we will redistribute your income for you.

There are many who make more than $200,000 a year who make light of social justice and are not ashamed to belittle the Environmental Protection Agency.  These people also frequently resort to fraud and cheating in order to avoid paying their fair share of taxes.

There are others who neglect the norms of social conduct by voting Republican, forgetting that they are endangering polar bears by doing so.

Let all Democrats consider it his sacred duty to obey the Democratic Party and to count social justice and redistribution of wealth as man’s (or woman’s or transgendered’s) chief duty.

The communitarian character of the Democratic Party is perfected and fullfilled in the work of Barack Obama for Barack Obama is made flesh and wills to share in human fellowship (unless you are a teabagger, refuse to pay your fair share of taxes or cling to guns or religion.)

This solidarity must be constantly increased until the day when socialism is brought to fulfillment.  On that day Mankind, or womankind or trangenderedkind, saved by the redistribution of wealth, will offer perfect glory to Barack Obama.

The Problem

Man is the problem the Democratic Party faces in its attempts to create a socialist workers’ paradise.

For some men foolishly continue to develop his life through work and produce through his own enterprise things that only the government should do.  This must stop.  And through healthy over regulation it will!

Regulation of Human Activity

Human activity needs to be strictly regulated to ensure that no one is more successful than his brother.  For economic success is a symptom of our shameful capitalistic past.  Economic success is of less value than social justice, paying one’s fair share of taxes and redistribution of wealth.

[End of Part Two] Time for a beer run.

Last week I presented the Dogmatic Constitution of the Democratic Party.  Now through my contacts in the main steam media I present the Pastoral Constitution of the Democratic Party.  Unlike the Dogmatic Constitution which  focused on core beliefs, the Pastoral Constitution outlines how the Democrats will put their beliefs into action.  Because of the length of this remarkable document I will present it in several sections.

Preamble

The joy and the hope of all socialists of our time are the joy and the hope of all followers of Holy Mother Democratic Party.

The Democratic Party Addresses all Men (and Women, and Transgendered)

Now that the Democratic Party has deeply studied the mystery of the Democratic Party it resolutely addresses all who call upon the name of socialism and it longs to set forth the way it understands the presence and function  of the Democratic Party in the United States today.

The Situation of Man (And Woman and Transgendered in the World Today) 

Ours is a new age of history with critical and swift upheavals in the socialist body.  Yet increase in power is not always accompanied by control of that power for the benefit of mankind (and womankind and transgendered kind.)  Especially when Republicans are in power.

At no time have men (and women and transgendered) had such a keen sense of freedom, only to be faced by new forms of slavery such as low taxes, denial of the science of climate change and the rapid overpopulation of the Earth.

What the tradition of the Democratic Party makes known to us is that when man (or woman, or transgendered) looks into his own heart he is drawn towards what he knows is wrong (such as low taxes and capitalism.)

It is, however, only in the Democratic Party that man (or woman, or transgendered) can turn himself towards what is good, namely higher taxes, redistribution of wealth and socialism.

Dignity of the Democratic Party

Deep within his conscience man (woman and transgendered) discovers a law which he has not laid upon himself but which he must obey.  This is the voice of the Democratic Party.  Its voice, ever calling him to love socialism and higher taxes and avoid Republicans tells him inwardly: Do this.  Pay that.  Accept this regulation.  Avoid capitalists.  His dignity lies in obeying the Democratic Party and by it he will be judged and his wealth redistributed.

For the Democratic Party knows full well that her message is in harmony with the most secret desires of the human heart.

The Democratic Party Represents the New Man (and Woman and Transgendered)

In reality it is only in the mystery of the Democratic Party that the mystery of man becomes clear.   Human nature, by the very fact that it was assumed, not absorbed by the Democratic Party has been raised to a high tax-paying socialist dignity beyond compare.

All this holds true not for Democrats only but for all men (and woman, and transgendered) of good will in whose hearts socialism  is active invisibly.  And since everyone is called to follow and obey the Democratic Party, which is divine, we must hold that socialism offers to all the possibility of being made partners, in a way known only to elected Democrats, in the socialist workers’ paradise.

[End of Part One]

As part of my continuing series aimed at making my readers more knowledgeable about the issues in the 2012 Presidential campaign I now present the Democratic Party’s official document on its relation with non-Democratic parties:

In this age of ours, where men (and liberal women) are drawing more closely together and the bonds of friendship between different political parties (except for the racist teabaggers) are being strengthened the Holy Democratic Party examines with greater care the relation she has to non-Democratic parties.

Men look to their different political parties for an answer to the unsolved riddles of human existence (big government is good.)  What is man?  (He exists for the government.)  What is the meaning and purpose of life (big government.) What is upright and what is sinful?  (Lowering taxes is sinful.  Big government is upright.)  How can genuine happiness be found? (Big government.)  What happens at death?  (Bigger government.)

The Democratic Party rejects nothing of what is true and honorable in other parties (except for the racist teabaggers.)  She has a high regard for their precepts and doctrines, which, although differing in many ways from ours, nevertheless often reflect a love of bigger government and more government spending.

Chief among these is the Republican Party.  Like us they worship big government. Like us they are in bed with special interests.  And although many Republicans are racist we look forward to working with them to further the aims of our Federal government.

Over the past century and a half many dissensions and quarrels have arisen between Democrats and Republicans.  The Sacred Democratic Party now pleads with all to forget the past (except for 2000 when we were robbed of the Presidency), and urges that a sincere effort be made to increase the size of our government.  For the benefit of all  men let us together preserve and promote peace and social justice which can only be done by higher taxes and bigger government.

Next the Sacred Democratic Party wishes to acknowledge Libertarians.  While we share some things in common (Homosapienism, living in the same country) the Democratic Party is duty bound to call Libertarians out on their core beliefs. For Libertarians seek to reduce the Federal government. I mean, we thought the Republicans were racist! But really!

Finally, sadly, the Democratic Party must address the troubling  phenomenon of Teabagging (and we are not referring to the wholesome sexual practice of many of our constituents.)  For teabaggers are the worst of the worst.  Barely human.  Troglodytes who would turn back the clock and return us to obeying the Constitution as it is written.  Teabaggers want to reduce our debt, which as we all know is a outward sign of their inward racism.  We disown them and prefer to work with reasonable racists like the Republicans and the Libertarians.

Finally Holy Mother Democratic Party reproves, as foreign to the mind of our Sacred Party, any discrimination against any peoples or parties on the basis or race, color or creed (as long as they aren’t Christian, which is a racist religion.)

In conclusion we seek to work with all parties for the betterment of the voting public (dead and alive.) For only the Democrats have your best interests at heart.  All others are racist.  Particularly teabaggers.

Recently I had the chance to go to Lower Manhattan and observe first-hand the protests that have garnered world-wide attention and sympathy known as “Occupy Wall Street.”  I was motivated by curiosity.  Who where they?  What did they believe in?  What did they hope to accomplish?  Did they have any weed to sell me?  Were any of the protesters hot and would they give it up for me?  What I found may surprise my readers.

My first encounter was with a lanky man in his 20s who identified himself as the head of the poetry department at Occupy Wall Street.

“We don’t use names here. Names are bourgeois” he said.

I asked him what the Poetry Department Occupy Wall street does.

Basically we come up with chants to use.  We are particularly fond of chants that start with “Hey ho.”  The capitalist pigs on Wall Street hate the hey ho chants.  It mocks them.  And that’s what we’re here for.  We want to  mock the Zionists out of existence.  You said you were with the New York Times right?  Perhaps some of your readers can send us some “Hey Ho” chants to help the cause?

I said I would.  And readers, if anyone has any good “Hey Ho” chants send them to me.  I’ll pass them on to the protesters for a small finders’ fee.  (Yes, I know this might be against all the  protesters stand for but we live in a transitional state.  Until the socialist workers’ paradise is brought into existence we have to use the capitalist system of the man.  Don’t worry.  I have a PayPal account.)

My next stop was the Alternative Poetry Department of Occupy Wall Street.   A lanky man gave the history of the Alternative Poetry Department.

We feel the poetry department has sold out.  Hey Ho chants don’t scare the man anymore. He’s used to it.  That’s why we set up the Alternative Poetry Department.  We need a fresh, bold approach to fight the power.  That’s why all our chants start with “Ho, Hey!”  The man doesn’t know how to respond to Ho Hey chants. 

He then focused his attention on a Wall Street businessman buying a newspaper.

“Ho, Hey……” his voice trailed off confused.  “What rhymes with hey?” 

“Gay?” I helpfully suggested.

Thanking me he again turned his steely social-justice inspired gaze back upon the businessman.

“Ho, Hey, the man is gay!”

He became excited by his chant and the effects it had.

“See, see!  I mocked him!  He was so rattled by my mocking he bought the Wall Street Journal instead of the New York Times!”

My next stop was the Theology Department of Occupy Wall Street.

A tall, lanky man -

Editor’s note:  Lawyers from the New York Times have contacted Manhattan Infidel and told him to stop using the work “lanky.”  They have a copyright on it.  Manhattan Infidel will comply.

offered me what he was eating.

“It’s arugula. It’s green!” he said excitedly.

“So’s my  liver” I replied.  “But I’m not going to share that with you.”

I asked the decidedly non-lanky person (see the above editor’s note) about the theology behind the protest.

“It’s all about social justice!” he said. “I mean, I didn’t spend my entire childhood playing video games just to get a job.”

Several members started chanting “What do we want?  Social justice?  When do we want it?  Right after the  pizza is delivered!”

Another person in the Theology Department told me of his “awakening” to the need for social justice.

I have a doctorate in Gender Identity in the New Testament. And now I have to waste my talents writing cover letters to send out with my resume?  By the way, archeological evidence suggests John the Baptist was a trannie.

I thanked all the protesters for meeting with me.  Several asked me to come back soon, “with food.”

And so readers, if you find yourself in lower Manhattan and come upon the Occupy Wall Street protesters remember:  Their cause is noble.

I’m just fooling with you.  Seriously.  If you see them, kick them in the nuts and then call their parents.

It’s all about social justice.